Wash beans carefully and soak in enough salted water overnight to cover them by 2 inches of water. Bring to a boil and simmer the next day until tender (usually 2-3 hours).

In the meantime, heat 2 tblsp of oil in a large, heavy skillet. Add garlic, onions, bell peppers, and celery. Cook until the onions are clear. Remove and reserve.

Mix ground meats. Add 1 T. Oil to skillet and saute meat, cooking on high heat until thoroughly browned. Drain fat. Remove ground meat and reserve. Brown cubed meat, drain, and reserve. Place reserved vegetables and meats in chili pot along with linguica (or Andouille). Add all remaining vegetables, spices and liquids (except the beer, Masa Harina, or beans), a little at a time, stirring and mixing thoroughly between additions. Carefully bring temperature up to a simmer.

Cook covered on very low heat approximately 5 hours. Adjust the consistency after 3 hours. If too thin, uncover and reduce by turning up heat (carefully) slightly. If it is still not the desired consistency, add masa harina (or flour) to thicken, beer to thin, as needed. Taste and adjust for spices carefully (the flavor will develop as the chili cooks). It should be hot enough to be memorable, but not so hot it takes the skin off the roof of your mouth. ItUs better to sneak up on hot. You canUt take it out. If it cries out to be hotter, add just enough Louisiana hot sauce.

Finally, and only if you absolutely must, add the beans. A chili purist would jettison them without a second thought. If you canUt bring yourself to do it, but want to serve the chili beanless as God intended, serve the beans on the side and let people indulge their own leguminous perversions.

Serve topped with chopped Walla Walla sweets, shredded Monterey Jack cheese, and a pinch of parsley.