Warning: Hottest sauce in North America. Use this to enhance dull and boring food. Keep away from pets, open flames, unsupervised children, and bad advice. This is not a toy. This is serious. Stand up straight, sit right, and stop mumbling. Be careful not to rub your nose, eyes, or mouth while working with habaneros. You may actually want to wear rubber gloves while chopping and mixing - these babies are powerful.

Mix all the ingredients together and stand back. This will keep, covered and refrigerated, until the year 2018. Be careful though: If it spills, it will eat a hole in your refrigerator. If you ever want to dispose of it, call the local toxic waste specialists.

basically habanero peppers (also known as Scotch Bonnets), fruit, and yellow mustard, with a few other ingredients thrown in. Use this recipe as a guideline. Habaneros are at the top of the chile pepper heat scale, so feel free to substitute other peppers of your choice.

Funnel the sauce into an old pint liquor bottle, then let your imagination run free as to what whopper you can lay on your guests regarding its origins. If you're having trouble, here's a start: "One day in Jamaica I was in this dingy bar and met this old guy who..." and you take it from there.